"Accepting the first number wasn't caution. It was the one conversation nobody had ever actually shown me how to have."
The comment that made it click
A few months later I mentioned the coffee conversation to a former manager who'd become something of a mentor. His reaction stuck with me: "You do realise you're allowed to just... ask? Nobody sends their actual final number first." He wasn't being unkind — he genuinely hadn't considered that this wasn't obvious to everyone. It was obvious to him. It wasn't to me.
The skill most newcomers underestimate
Here's what I got wrong for two years: I treated the offer letter as a decision someone else had already made, rather than the opening line of a conversation I was entitled to take part in. In the UK job market specifically, a counter to an initial offer is close to standard practice — recruiters build room for it into the number they send first. Not countering doesn't read as gracious. Most of the time, it just reads as accepting whatever's offered, no more, no less.
None of this is really about confidence, and it's certainly not about being "pushy." It's a structured exchange of information: what the role is worth in that market, what you specifically bring to it, and what the other side can actually move on. That's learnable in the same way any structured conversation is learnable — practice, not personality.
01
Anchoring with a real number, not a guess
Before any offer conversation now, I check what the role actually pays in that region and sector, and I open with that figure — not a vague "I was hoping for a bit more."
02
Naming what's actually behind the hesitation
Pushback is rarely really about your worth — it's usually a budget cycle, an internal pay band, or timing. Asking directly what's driving it works far better than repeating the same number louder.
03
Practising the actual conversation before having it
The biggest shift for me was working through a structured Coursera course on negotiation that includes an actual practice negotiation, not just theory — so the first time I used the structure wasn't in a real offer conversation.
What I know now that I didn't back then
An offer letter isn't a verdict on what you're worth — it's a starting position from a company that, like most companies, leaves itself room to move. I used to think asking for more, this early into living somewhere new, was a way of testing my luck. What changed is realising that a reasonable, well-researched counter is simply expected — and staying quiet doesn't make you look grateful, it just leaves money on the table that was already budgeted for someone to ask about.
The good news: it's a specific, learnable skill, not a personality trait some people are born with. I learned most of the structure from the course I recommend further down — if you'd like to look into it yourself, the details are below.
A note on advertising: this article includes a recommendation for a third-party course, for which I may receive a commission. My personal experience is genuine, but results can vary from person to person. Nothing here is professional, legal, financial or employment advice. Individual results vary.
Arjun Mehta
Blogger · Counterpoint · Manchester